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CURRENT RECOMMENDATION: No shit, the guy who writes half this crap is going to Japan for most of the month to bring Santacon to the natives of Osaka. The rest of the dR staff are likely spending the month digging through his closet looking for his stash. In the mean time, here is the scoop on the best known option for a rampage in December: AntiCon on December 5 . Modeled after Santacon, but with a NoPo focus and a lot of fresh energy. There is a hell of a lot of backstory here that you can certainly google for yourself, but the basics are that this is a massive pub crawl, and if you are sick of the non-pub-crawl stuff at SantaCon, don your red suit and go here. ----------------------------------------------- ---- old info appears below this ---- ----------------------------------------------- December's Drunken Rampage (gasp!) MAY not be Santacon! But you are going to bug us about Santacon anyway, so here is Santacon info for now. If we do a dR in December that is not Santacon we will put something up here in November. Or five minutes in advance because we are lazy (or trying to be very hip and capture that 1999 flash-mob fad we just heard about because we don't get youtube here in the middle of the jungle). ------------------------------------ Ok, for starters, this is an event that Drunken Rampage always attends, but it ain't ours. It is and always has been run by the Portland Cacophony Society. In prior years DR has helped coordinate some of this because it takes a good 20 people to put a Santacon together in Portland, but we are still sleeping off whatever was in that aspirin those other Santas gave us at the 2008 Santacon afterparty (which goes until Tuesday every year. Really.). So we are bowing out of being useful this year and just attending. SANTACON is one of the largest evets of the year. It is put on by the Portland Cacophony Society (which was only the second city to have one, original Santas came from in S.F (which started 17 years ago). It now occurs worldwide. Portland's caco society had Santacon for the first time in 1996, and was promptly in trouble with the cops. When is it this year? Beats the hell out of us, ask the Cacos. If you want to help out, the time to volunteer is in late October. E-mail the Caco society (or us, we will point you in the right direction) and get info on the Sweatshop. This is where they grab glue guns and broken toys to make perverted mutant gifts. They then wrap them and pass them out all night. 2007's SantaCon was a record-setting "ungodly shitload" of people, and while fun was had, much, much misery ensued. Most of the events were canceled due to supply shortages and frank inability to stuff more than 300 people into the area. 2008 saw SantaCon go back underground (and thus shrink back to a nice 150-200 size) along with a prank fake annoucement that it would be held in Hillsboro on a fake date. In response, a group created an alternate pub crawl called AntiCon, and the result was perfect. The smaller SantaCon gets to do all the stuff they want (culture jamming, silly antics, etc) and the larger public gets to have a massive Santa pub crawl. And for those who need both, they happen on different dates, so do both. The only downside is that Aberzombie douchebags show up and try to merge with the crowd of fun-loving nonshitheads. Feel free to do the gene pool a favor and kick them in the nuts. These days, several other groups call themselves "Santacon," and their events havie e ranged from people trying trick folk into attending a birthday party, to an honestly awesome pub crawl, to some whiny suburbanite teenagers kicking in car headlights, to some creepy old swingers chasing two 25 year old women from bar to bar in the hopes they would get drunk enough to follow them back to their motorhome. No, none of those are made-up takes for the sake of Internet humor, those are really all from 2008. Calling themselves Santacon does not make it legit any more than slapping a BMW sticker on your Nissan Stanza makes it a luxury car. So if you care, here is the breakdown of the current known sites and groups: portland.cacophony.org - actual creators of Portland' Santacon, who still run it. Been the only Santacon portal in Portland for over a decade. Also known to be so very into pranks that they pranked themselves, on purpose. Your odds of mooning the mayor, building a snow fort in a public bathroom, doing a 20 block long conga line and creating a snowman by coating a Santa in shaving cream are highest with this group. They also are equally likely to give out fake dates for Santacon while they hold theirs in November. santarchy.com - Old-school site run by a long-time Santa (old school as in "one of the dudes who started the very first one ever"). This is a worldwide information site, not just a Portland one. other geocities/wordpress/myspace/blog/livejournal/yahoo groups calling themselves Santacon: well, folk, just think real hard for a few minutes and then proceed from there. You may have fun, you may wind up with a dozen douchebags drinking PBR in somebody's backyard. ----
THIS IS A 12-14 HOUR RAMPAGE! PACE YOURSELF! It is NOT in any way a family friendly, kidsafe pro-christmas thing. No wonder or enlightenment or happy fuzzy memories. We won't gather around singing Kumbaya and helping orphans find loving homes. We may sell the orphans on the black market and eat fuzzy things, but that's about as close as it gets. Don't bring your kids by to "see Santa" or anything like that, or we will call social services on you for being too abysmally stupid to care for any creature above Mollusk in the food chain. Most of us truly hate Xmas and all the moronic drivel that normal people spew out of their yap-holes every day from Thanksgiving onward. Most of the rest of the crowd at best tolerates the holiday. If you are seriously too stupid to get that, your Santacon is in Beaverton. Go there. Get a santa suit. $15 at Walgreens usually, but buy early as Portland is sort of a "massively insane place full of people who buy these suits by the ton."
So get yer Santa suit, yer alibi and a drunkproofing kit (condoms, taxi coupons and a map to your house drawn on your forearm for the taxi driver when you lose the ability so speak, so on) ready. And we ain't taking responsability. Taking the month off to study Sanskrit in a mud hut thee hundred million miles away. We got nothing to do with this and you can prove nothing, so don't even fucking try to blame us for the various STDs, stolen livestock, court cases, atomic wars and exploding turduckens. If you see us there, we will pretend to be Balky from "Perfect Strangers." We won't admit to being there. We will be in, uh, some other place. With nuns. Tasty, tasty nuns. . . Anyway, just keep to the Four Fucks of Santacon. No matter what. What follows this line is the page from just after the 2007 Santacon. We will clean up this page as time goes on. (edit: no I won't) ------------- I, the web guy, was kidnapped by some Santas who somehow came into possession of an airport shuttle bus. . . I don't want to know how. There were (depending on who did the counting and if they counted red suits only, or the entire crowd of hangers-on) anywhere from 900-1200 people by 8pm. The Easter Bunny and some other holidays were crucified, fruitcake was launched, MY BUG SPRAYER FULL OF VODKA was lost (e-mail me through the contacts page if you find it) and many, many Santas were thrown in jail and the drunk tank. No, really. Here are some photos. Now piss off for antother year. . .
2007 PDX Santacon highlights (some unconfirmed)
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Pretend to be a Time Traveler Day (Sep 25)!
